allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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