When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
