just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
