So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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