I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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