I'm going to jail i love you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
