The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
