Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
