she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
