My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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