im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
