We're facebook friends in real life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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