So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
