dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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