She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
