My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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