Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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