please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
