so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
