Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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