it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
