Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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