Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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