quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
