i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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