I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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