Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
sex in a hospital.. check
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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