Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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