i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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