just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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