i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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