A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
