You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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