haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
