we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
