i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
