go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
