you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
