chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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