69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
