if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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