She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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