they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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