It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
