Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
