its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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