So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
