he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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