We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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