He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
