every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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