We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My life is pants optional.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
