no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
