she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
