I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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