I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
