I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
birth control should be required to get into college
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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