you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
