we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
