saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
