Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
